It's been a while I know

A lot of people are asking for updates on Ava Grace. Well, I started a previous blog and about 45 mins of pouring my heart into it, my phone went blank. Grrrr! Lost everything. Guess it was the Lord's way of saying now is not the time. So, if this blog makes it to your site, it was meant to be. :) we had a scare last week as Ava kept dropping her heart rate for whatever reason. They marked it up to her immunizations. Which scares me for the next set. Since then she has done fairly well. She still drops when she needs to be suctioned out. We were told that we would be discharged soon so we had to do the "rooming in" to make sure we could handle each other. Other than Ava having to change my diaper every 45 mins we were good haha kidding. Although it was a tough night. The bed was gross!!!! My bed, not hers. It had some dried substance on it that I don't even want to guess at. Then, respiratory came in with a huge mixup in Ava's oxygen, etc. All in all, we survived! Woo hoo!!! We also had to come up with a continuous suction device to use at night. It will keep me from having to wake up every 45 mins to suction or worse, not wake up and some devastation have happened. It will also help Ava's throat from being suctioned so often. Home health and hospice was unable to locate one for us so it has delayed our departure from this fantastic "hotel". I can honestly see why a friend of mine calls it "their second home". The nurses and dr's here are fantastic! I have absolutely developed a bond with a special neurosurgical NP, Toni. She is fantabulous!!! Plus we've been here forever it seems. I've forgotten what it feels like to have my family all in one room and cook and etc. So, my fabulous father in law got involved and like most times got the job done and his way! We now have a suction machine on the way. Yay!!!!! Super excited because we can see the light at the end of the tunnel on the hopes of going home. Yay!!!!!! In the most of all of this, I had to do something I really didn't want to. I had to quit my job. I LOVE my job and feel like it is my calling. Now I have been given a new calling and that's to take care of my pumpkin. So, I guess I am still considered a full time nurse and a full time mommy. Hope I don't have to apply for a loan or anything, that might get confusing in the occupation category. :) My job was so understanding and supportive. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with/for. I miss them dearly!!!! Next thing was a loss of a dear friend. My sweet sweet future son in law. Yes, it would have been an arranged marriage and Ava's daddy was already saying "hey hey now" when Hayden bought Ava her first dress. You know those daddy figures. While us momma figures are thinking awe how sweet!!! I saw some big plans in mine and the inlaws future haha. All laughter aside, I've never met a stronger fighter than this little man. I am so honored to have been a part of his earthly presence. He brought together so many people. Especially those with a "special heart". If you don't have a "special heart" child, then it's hard to fully understand. People look at you different. They look at your child different. It's almost pity in their eyes. I see this everyday in the NICU. It breaks my heart. I hate for people to stare. Worse than that, I can't stand for people to abandon you when things aren't in their favor. I've met a couple in my day that pretended to be there for me, but I haven't heard from since she has been born or even worse only want to come see me so they can be "in the know". One of my greatest friends is fully aware of these types of people. Please don't be this way. We have a hard enough time on a day to day basis than for someone to add to it unnecessarily. If you are genuinely concerned for Ava Grace and want to know or help, ask. If not, then just read the blog and report what you've read, not what you've read in to it. In conclusion, if you know a "special heart", love them and cherish them, because tomorrow is not promised and today is a gift.
I was walking to my car this afternoon and the wind was blowing and for whatever reason, I looked to the top of the hospital to see a helicopter and instantly was overwhelmed with the sense of calmness. I felt like it was Hayden telling me to stop stressing, that if I took Ava Grace home and she didn't make it that it was going to be ok. He was there for her. At that time a strong wind blew and the song let them be little came on. You just can't plan this stuff. I am so blessed! The Lord knew what he was doing. 5 years ago I was moving to Jackson, but the Lord put Bryan in my life. He has become my rock, my true love and my big hearted bread winner. Followed by Trace and Ava Grace. Somewhere in this mix, he put Lauren, Brent and Hayden in our lives. I never wanted to stay in Greenville, but He knew I would meet the best man in the world for me and create two more beautiful children. he also knew what diagnosis He would give Ava, an the support that we would need from L & B. I must say that they are my miracle. They talk to me through all hours of the night and encourage me when I am down. Hayden, even though he is younger, is my soldier. He proved to me that life is hard, but if you fight, you live for another day with the ones you love. Now AG is my GI Jane. She pushes through, even though the dr's doubted her. She is not out of the woods yet, ad never will completely be with the diagnosis she has been dealt, but she is my sweet angel and is fighting to make it home to meet her brother for the official first time. I can't go without saying thank you to my Aunt Tammy, mom in law Patsy and sis Lisa for doing Ava's room while I am here. They have made the perfect room for my perfect princess. I love yall!!!!

Ps look up Mandy Vowell and add her as a friend! She is a big heart that loves loves loves "special heart" babies!!!

"Be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

Post op #2

So my baby girl pulled off BRAIN surgery!! Hallelujah and Amen, thank you Lord for showing out again! Now here comes the other half. She is still on the ventilator and her little head is still swollen. They say it will take a little bit to start seeing results. Right now we are praying she comes off the ventilator and has no post op complications. As we speak, she is mad because she is tied down, since she keeps trying to pull her ET tube out. Mommy's little fighter. She went through surgery without a hitch, per her surgeon. He also said that she is such a little diva! Haha, my baby, a diva!? Too funny. He added that she needed a boa, tiara and a wand. He truly cracks me up. I think he was trying to comfort a couple of stressed parents who had been through hell this morning over what kind of anesthesiologist was best for this surgery. Did I mention that all that confusion took place about 30 minutes before surgery? Yes I'm pretty sure I had a mental breakdown at some point. None the less, she is doing good now from a neurological point of view. Our next steps will include weaning her off of the vent, and all the following respiratory apparatuses to allow her to function back on room air. This will be a major feat since she is not trying to breath over the ventilator too much right now. I know she can donor though. She is stubborn like her mom and dad. She is also strong spirited. I love it!!!

I have to admit that I have met some great people here. It seems that everyone has a story behind their presence here. It is really heartwarming to see so many people here with such a love for these children and for their love for God. I've had people, nurses and parents, pray over Ava Grace. That is the most wholesome feeling to have. I even met a lady in the Restaraunt that noticed my hospital bracelet on (to match me and Ava) and proceeded to ask questions about Ava and ended the conversation with how she is going to pray for us. Awe!!!!!! The Lord is making His presence known at my every turn. He is Ava's ultimate physician and he is protecting her and teaching me all at the same time. In the time that Ava's diagnosis was given to now, I have made friends with people that normally I probably would have passed up. Not because I was scared or thought I was better or worse than them, but just because we didn't have the same things in common (or so i thought). I came to find out we are more similar than I thought. Plus, people that are in critical circumstances such as ours relate on a level that others just can not even pretend to imagine. Everyone's battle is their own mountain and only they have to climb it. When you have someone who is climbing the same mountain or has already climbed it may be able to help you along the way or you may help them. In saying that, I can't help but thank the ones who have climbed along side of me and my family.

As I say here in NICU, typing this update, Ava decided she no longer wanted her breathing tube and fought it until the nurse took it out. So now my baby girl is on ROOM AIR!!!! Woo hoo!!!! Go Ava, go Ava!! Her blood pressure and pulse is a little elevated, but doing good over all. Lord has had mercy on my baby girl and her family again!!! Praise Him. I will update more as I can, later.

Before I go, please say a strong and silent prayer for one of my fellow mountain climbers, as mom, dad and baby are fighting a traumatic time. The baby's condition almost took th to heaven today, but the Lord is letting their family borrow them a little longer. It is a uphill mountain and they are staying strong in their faith, so please share some of yours with them. As we all know you can only climb so long before you end up crawling in exhaustion. Love and big hugs to their family. Since they have not announced their status yet, I will not announce their name and would appreciate if you didn't either. Thank you so so much for your strong prayers and faith. Everyone of you have been a true eye opener and faith renewing prophets! I am attaching a few pics for your guided experience in "our world".

Surgery Decision

We have decided that we will proceed with surgery for Ava. Actually, we really weren't given a option. I have prayed and prayed for the Lord to direct our decision in the correct direction and it was made evident. Since Ava can't live on TPN (IV feedings) for long and her myelo seems to be increasing in size, we feel that she needs the surgery. The last thing we want is for her myelo to rupture and her to get an infection that may ultimately be the death of her. Her surgery will be taking place this Friday and will last 4 hours. We are so super scared that this week may our last moments with her. There are so many risk accompanying these surgeries, but there are so many benefits too. In the end, the benefits outweigh the risks. The only way she will ever be able to go home with us is if she has these surgeries. Bringing her home with us is my ultimate goal. I want her to feel the love of her family and let her brothers get to know her without wires or bandages. I want her to have as normal of a life for as long as she is with us. She is such a blessing to our family and brings so much joy to us. Ava Grace will need major prayers to pull through this surgery. I know I've asked a lot of everyone by means of prayers, but we really need some heavy praying and believing that my baby girl will keep fighting and pull through these major surgeries. We were given a short life expectation and so far she has been amazing in fighting for every minute. She is not in any pain right now or anything like that, except hunger pains. She gets so fussy because she can't have anything by mouth. This is extremely difficult to watch your child be hungry and not be able to soothe them with food. After her surgery, we will not be able to hold her for two weeks. This will be a battle in itself as holding her is her only means of comfort right now. She will be able to be tube fed a couple days after her surgery. At least she will be able to have a full belly, which will help her sleep and grow more. Currently she is 3 pounds and 4 ounces, but will not gain much weight on TPN. Ultimately we have struggled with our decision, but feel that we are choosing the best thing for her. We can not move forward with her if she is not moving forward herself. She is my little peanut and I want to bring her home, healthy, warm and happy. Please pray for her strength and endurance through and beyond her surgery. We love and thank every single one of our prayer warriors. The Lord hears your prayers and is granting us more invaluable days with our sweet miracle.

"I am the Lord, your God, who will take hold of your right hand and says, do not fear; for I will help you." isaiah 41:14

Ava's 3 week Update

I truly try to stay positive in most of my blogs, but this one may be a little less so.

We have been told that AG has a few more complications than previously thought. Not only does she have Trisomy 18, Spina Bifida, VSD, but she also has a ASD (hole between the top two chambers of the heart), abnormal heart valves, and her esophagus does not connect to her stomach. Adding a little more bad news to this is they believe her windpipe is actually attached to her stomach. This adds the additional problem of when she produces saliva it can back up into her lungs, therefore causing pneumonia or even cutting off her air supply. I had debated announcing this to the public, as I honestly didn't want people telling me their opinion on how I should handle the decisions of surgery, but I feel compelled to be honest with all of my family and friends. Bryan and I would definitely appreciate prayers and encouragement as we have to make the hardest decisions of our life on whether to do surgery or not. This may seem like a cut and dry, no questions asked case of do we or do we not do surgery. It's just not that simple. You see, we have been told by dr's from day one that babies with Trisomy tend not to do well under anesthesia or with pain medication. As a matter of fact, they have problems coming off of the ventilator (breathing machine). With our little angel, we have the additional problem of being told that due to Ava's weaken heart, she may not even have the surgery, as her heart may stop on the operating table. Maybe after reading this, you can see our huge dilemma. Ava Grace is fighting her little tail off to stay with us and is doing a fantastic job. I'm very proud of my super trooper peanut. We are just afraid that if we agree to have these surgeries, that we may never see our baby through them. I'm sure you're wondering how she is being fed right now? Well, she is getting all of her nutrition through her PICC line. This is the procedure all of you were praying for her to do well on last week. Which she did! Except, last week her PICC line clotted off and they had to pull the line out. She has since had multiple IV's and the PICC team is currently trying to do another POCC line. The only thing is she can't live on TPN (IV feedings) for long, as this can cause irreversable liver damage and/or liver failure. This is not something that will happen immediately or even within the next week or two. I stay at the NICU all day to suction her when she needs it so that her airway is not occluded and her oxygen sats don't drop. Yes, there are nurses there, but they are so swamped with other babies that it is hard to stay on top of just one baby. Bless their hearts, they are wonderful and I have been blessed with some of the most precious ones. I'm very picky with who I trust to watch her while I take a quick break. That's the protective mommy instinct I guess. Bryan and I have decided to gather all of the facts. Ask all the questions. Then make a decision of what we want to do and what we feel is best for Ava. She is my heart and soul and I am completely, undeniably, head over heals in love with my little girl. I will fight for every breath she gives us. Ava will need 3 surgeries to pull through this. We will have to decide today about surgery. They want to put in a feeding tube (g tube), close the connection between her trachea and tummy and do a closure to her myelo (hole in her back). They are wanting to do all 3 surgeries at one time due to the risk of anesthesia. They are afraid of infection with leaving her back open. There are many babies with T18 that have had a g tube put in and have been sucessful, but not all of them have had the extensive heart defects as little AG or the additional needs for these surgeries all in one. All I keep telling myself is that she is a fighter. She has proven the dr's wrong in so many ways. They said she may die at birth. She is still here. They said she would not cry. Ya'll have seen her crying video on my fb page. They said that she probably would not have mobility to her legs because of her spina bifida. They nurses have had to baracade her in her warmer because she pushes herself everywhere. She does not use her oxygen half of the time, because she takes her finger and pulls it out. I love this little girl. She has surpassed so many expectations. Bravo Ava Grace!!!!

She set us back this week with dips in her oxygen sats and a spell where she went from pink, to grey, to blue. Scariest thing of my entire life!!!! Even with my nursing experience, for a split second, I drew a blank. That was the most helpless and longest second of my life. I can tell you that she did revive and turned back a beautiful shade of piggy pink. All I wanted to do was snatch her up and love on her, but I do not have that option. Our holding time is limited. She seems to get too relaxed and acquire a good bit of secretions (blocking her airway) when I hold her too long and she will drop her sats. I end up suctioning her and having to put her back in her warmer. :( It breaks both of our hearts. I worry that she thinks that she did something wrong or that I'm disconnected with her. Truth is, I am there every minute. I watch her expression, her breathing, her monitor, everything. I don't want to miss a thing. Good or bad, I want to be there.

I can not go without saying thank you to everyone who has prayed for our miracle baby. Thank you to all of our visitors. Thank you to my friends and family that are coordinating the t-shirt sale as a fundraiser for AG's medical bills. Thank you to everyone that has given a donation, meals, snacks, etc. Thank you to Michelle at Clayful Impressions for making me and Bryan momentos of our family and Jennifer Rutledge for our perfect photos. We really hold all of these and other selfless acts dear to our hearts.

Ava Grace has changed our lives forever. Please pray for Bryan and I as we collect, evaluate and decide, with the help of the team of physicians, Ava's plan of care. She is our heart and soul and we will be with her every step of every day, as she is with us too.


"Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed"
(Ephesians 4:29)

Day 4 update

Well the computer I am on doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me, but at least I have access. I know that everyone is asking how Ava Grace is doing, so I was going to try to take a minute or two and tell everyone what I can. First of all, she is here!!!! Praise the Lord. He is good. He is allowing us time to spend with our angel and watch her little expressions. She has quite a few to say the least. I have learned that she is not a fan of momma's singing. Amazing what these little ones have to endure while we are carrying them. :)We are on day 4 now and she is in her little warmer, snug as a bug. She has been taken off of her CPAP mask and has been downgraded to oxygen. YAY!!!!!  She is holding her own. She has had a ECHO of her heart and a ultrasound of her head. Until they know the results of the test, they do not know if surgery is a possibility. We are in no hurry to have to make the decision of surgery or not. Surgery poses so many additional complications that honestly I am not ready to deal with. I know that right now she is happy and pain free exactly as she is. Ava has some PHENOMENAL nurses. They keep me in the loop when I am unable to be there with her. We are so blessed to have such great medical staff looking over her while we are away. I was discharged today so it is even harder to keep it together. Even though I am across the street, it is so hard thinking I am so far away from her.

She is a fighter! She had a couple of times today that her oxygen sats got really low (while we were standing there). I can't tell you how scary that was. She became real still and her color turned grey. Wow!!! She rebounded once her O2 was increased and she was stimulated. Then she started crying. To hear her cry was amazing. She does not cry like a "normal newborn". Her cry sounds like a newborn kitten. It is so precious. She turns 5 shades of red and opens her little mouth only to hear a little squeek of a cry. I love it. Sometimes I just want to pinch her to hear her cry (not really), but I love to see her in active mode. I never knew a little angel of 3 lbs could turn my world upside down like she has. When I got to hold her for the first and only time so far, I fell head over heels. I could not stop crying the entire 10 minutes of complete bliss. She did so great. Her O2 was perfect and at the lowest setting possible. She layed there listening to my heartbeat and I just glowed. I wanted the whole world to see how perfect she is through my eyes. Each moment without her in my arms is torture. I am trying to hurry now, so that I can go see her.

I pray that every family that has ever gone through anything even remotely like this is granted with peace and understanding. I pray that there is no hatred or resentment. I pray to the Lord each day that my known friends that are struggling are given hope and encouragement, as each one of you have done for me. I can not tell you how much all of your prayers mean to me and my family. We are truly amazed at how complete strangers have banded together for our perfect princess. She is continuing to fight and I know that the Lord hears our prayers loud and clear. Please keep them going up and we are keeping afloat. The Lord may bend me, but he will not break me. Through Him all things are possible. I will post some  pictures below of random times. I love you all and will update again as soon as I can.

A little down, but not out

Today my mother-in-law and myself traveled to UMC to preregister for my c-section on Monday. The day is nearing quickly. Miss Ava Grace has been moving so much today. It was so reassuring. UMC had no idea why I was there, who my dr was or even would be, what was wrong with my baby, etc. I was so distraught. It truly worried me. After many phone calls and research, they found me (wrong spelling of my last name) and why I was there. WOW! I sure hope they have their stuff together more on Monday. After registration we went to have my maternity pictures taken. This appointment was long passed due. For anyone in the market for some fantastic pictures, please look up Jennifer Rutledge Photography. She is located in Brandon, MS. She is also on facebook, so you can look her up. I have to admit that she has gone above and beyond to help me in this crazy time of my life. She is part of a organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It is a organization that recruits local photographers to take pictures of babies in the NICU for free! Jennifer actually offered to do my maternity pictures for me as well. She was even going to fly to my house, so I didn't have to drive to her. What a sweetheart. Of course it rained, so all of her outside ideas were laid to rest and we shot in her studio. I'm still so happy with the opportunity to even get to do them. I normally do NOT like or have had any desire to do maternity pictures, but this is a different situation and I am grasping for any memory I can have of my little angel. If she proves all the dr's wrong and pulls through, then I have more than a memory. Jennifer is also coming to the hospital to take pics of AG and of the family as they have their first encounter with AG. As she says, "capturing the things that you will not be able to see because of your section". All I can say is there are angels on earth. My MIL and I went to babies-r-us to buy a present for someone (not me) and it was such a sad moment. As we walked into the store, my immediate attention went straight ahead to the preemie clothing section. First let down. I browsed the store only to end up in the "keepsakes department". Any other pregnancy, I would have passed it up, but I couldn't. I ended up buying keepsakes to capture her handprint and footprint. By the time I finished looking through all the momentos, I was sad. Once again, feeling defeated, we left. A song came on the radio that reminded me of my brother. I turned it up and explained the logic of comparison to my MIL. The song was my brother to a "T". Man I miss him. He's been gone for over a month, almost two and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. He is the background on my phone, so he is never far from my mind. Although at this time, I am trying not to think of him. He always said, "Ava is going to be our miracle baby". That makes me smile. Oddly enough, my mamaw pointed out that "the Lord never takes anything away without giving us something in return". Her logic was, "when your grandfather died, shortly after Cody (my nephew) was born. After your daddy died, Landon was born. Now, after Doyle died, Ava Grace will be born. She will be just fine. She is going to make a miracle out of doubt." I love this wise woman and I hold what she says near and dear to my heart. I pray that she is right. A friend of mine, Linnea, posted a saying on my wall that basically says that "we will never be the same once we pass this storm". This is a scary and hopeful saying. I am scared that I will be a much sadder person if Ava's birth doesn't go as I pray it will. It is hopeful because "maybe I will be a stronger person as well". Maybe I will not take any little thing my kids do for granted anymore. Maybe I will be grateful for the little and big things and life and the honest people the Lord puts in it. I already have a greater respect for my husband. His strength is my strength. He never reads my blogs, so this is not me being sweet. :) I honestly love this man and I think that the whole experience has made us different people, but closer. Maybe this is another reason we are enduring the anticipation and uncertainty. I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate my family. They are extremely supportive. My sis in law is my right hand and has volunteered to do all the things that I don't know if I will be able to. Thank You!!! I love all of you (even the ones who don't read this haha). Right now, I am sitting here in awe, watching my baby girl move in my belly. This is the first time I am actually seeing her move across my abdomen. It is so fantastic!!!! I hope I can catch this on video so I can share it. Shirt on, of course. My little girl is such a fighter. Maybe if I play the Rocky theme song, she will start boxing. I would love it! I promise to send you all your bracelets as soon as I get them. According to the tracking, I should receive them tomorrow. I will deliver them asap. I would love for everyone to wear them on Monday when she is born and say a little prayer for her. The Lord hears all of our prayers and maybe, just maybe he will get bombarded with the prayers for this little angel and give us a miracle! Thank you, everyone!!!!

Less Than Two Weeks!

EEEEEEE........ (As my friend Sarah says)Such an exciting and scary time all together. We had our last dr's appointment yesterday. There really was no change made to the scheduled section. Miss Ava actually cooperated with the dr's yesterday and let them take all the pictures of her heart that they wanted. Made me wonder if she was mine there for a little bit. We met with the anesthesiologist to review my previous sections and discuss the possible causes of complications. We did not come up with any concrete reasons, I'm sad to say. Looks like we will be winging it again and praying for the best. Bryan and I also took a tour of the NICU. We were initially told that since we would not be intubating her that she would go to the regular newborn nursery. Well, as of yesterday, that did not seem to be correct. We were told that she would be taken to the NICU, since the nursery does not provide oxygen, IV therapy, feeding tubes, etc. if needed. So when we went through all the do's and don'ts of the NICU and stepped inside, instantly I lost my breath. This kind of upset me as I knew what to expect. I have worked in a smaller NICU before and I knew what complications I would be looking at. Ironically, the baby that we stood beside 80% of the time had just had surgery for spina bifida. How weird? This was a little different as this infant probably weighed 7 pounds and my little angel only weighs 3lbs. 2oz. She is growing slowly. I seriously doubt that she makes it to 4 pounds. I thought wow, is this a sign that we SHOULD do the surgery on her back? Then a friend of mine was telling me about a lady that wanted to talk with me regarding her son had SB surgery a little while back and now he is 4 months and super smart. "Is this another sign?" I thought. In case you don't know me that well, it is safe to say that I am a little superstitious and look for signs. Not crazy signs, just listening and looking for ways that the Lord may be talking to me. Anyway, as of right now, we are just waiting for her arrival to see about the surgery. Neither of us want her to be in a incubator for 3 weeks fighting to hang on when we can be holding and loving her if this is her only time on earth. Not to mention, that at 3 months she will need to be evaluated for heart surgery. Bless her little heart, she is such a trooper already. Right now we are going to focus on the here and now. We are scheduled at 6am June 18th for her arrival. We pray she arrives kicking and screaming (in a good way).In other news, let me tell you about all the positive things/events my little miracle has brought into my life recently. First of all, we (Ava and I) had a pamper party the other day. My awesome family and friends spoiled me. I received the awesome "FIGHT FOR AVA GRACE" bracelets, prayer bracelet, Ronaldo bracelets, Spa gift certificates, etc. A dear friend gave me a printed song with a knitted crown. I cried. All of these gifts were so fantastic and heart felt. Ava's little crown will be way to big for her tiny head, but hey, what princess wouldn't like a large crown? I try to stay optimistic and pray that she will grow into it one day. It is so hard at times. I never think that I should have gave up on her when I had the chance. She is my little angel and she will always be my little girl. I must admit that a couple of other people have touched me in such a deep way. A friend of mine has a husband that is in Afghanistan. He is scheduled to return soon for a short period and then back to fighting he goes. This is super bittersweet. Thank you for this by the way. Anyway, he wants to take a few bracelets to his troop in Afghanistan. Men wearing pink and fighting for our country and my little girl!!! Wow!? Now my miracle is being supported in another country. How wonderful and touching. This literally made me cry and believe it or not, I don't do that very often. My other friend saw a picture attached to my facebook page of a billboard with a picture of a little girl with Trisomy 18 that just turned 2. It said something to the effect of "Fight for Trisomy 13 & 18" and "Happy Birthday...". The little girl on the billboard touched a life of a marketing rep and they produced a billboard for her 2nd birthday. The friend of mine asked if she could sponser a billboard for Ava Grace. **Breathless**. She wants to put it in Jackson, where AG will be born. Wow, another person advocating for my miracle. These are some of the most touching gestures I have received yet. The irony is that before Ava Grace, I always saw the bad in the world and all the self absorbtion that it produced. Now, the Lord is opening my eyes to all the people that want to help and show their goodness and selflessness. Maybe this was the purpose or the reason the Lord chose me. See, once again, looking for a sign. For all of my fellow Trisomy moms, I absolutely must tell you about Icing Smiles. Lauren told me about this company that partners with local bakeries to produce a "dream cake" and other special occassion cakes for your terminally ill child or siblings. All for free! They normally don't take a case where the child is not born yet, but they took Ava! The Sweetery Bakery in Cleveland has partnered up with Icing Smiles to do Ava's dream cake. There work is phenomenal! An example is sweet Hayden's cake. It was truly a dream cake. My plan is, when AG comes home, to have them make the cake and have a "celebration of life" party. She will be the present! I am super excited. You can see their work on facebook. All I can say is wow.Please continue to pray for, not only Ava Grace, but her dad and her brothers. I do fear that they will take any bad outcome really bad. Landon already brags about his little sister, talks to her in my belly, sings to her and has truly never lost anyone this close to him. He and my brother had just started getting close when he passed away. I watched him at the funeral and it upset him a bit. I can't imagine what goes through a child's head in a situation like that/this. The neonatologist says that he is too little to go into the NICU to see her, so I am on needles praying for him to be able to see her (doing good of course). He tells me all the time, don't have her while I'm at my daddy's house. :) My sweet husband, well he is my rock and even though I think I could skip him across the water sometimes, I love him with all my heart. He has already been through so much by losing his sister at a young age, it breaks my spirit to think he would have to relive losing that kind of love again. Guarded optimism is my route of choice. I choose to be positive until I absolutely have to be negative. Thank you all for your love, support, and prayers for my family. We are truly blessed to have such supportive friends. We draw our strength off of your prayers and positivity. Please keep it up and we will keep lifting up our gift of each day to the Lord. He is the ultimate physician and He has the last call.

Ava Grace at 35 weeks

"Fight for Ava Grace" with Ava in the belly on one side and "Hope for Hayden" with Hayden (smiling) on the other side.

My sweet hostesses from my pamper party. Aren't they beautiful!?

Mr. Hayden at his 1st birthday with his "Sunshine" cake.

This has been my saying for the past few days. Adopted from a supporting friend.

See her sweet smile....

Ice cream cake from the girls at work :)