A little down, but not out

Today my mother-in-law and myself traveled to UMC to preregister for my c-section on Monday. The day is nearing quickly. Miss Ava Grace has been moving so much today. It was so reassuring. UMC had no idea why I was there, who my dr was or even would be, what was wrong with my baby, etc. I was so distraught. It truly worried me. After many phone calls and research, they found me (wrong spelling of my last name) and why I was there. WOW! I sure hope they have their stuff together more on Monday. After registration we went to have my maternity pictures taken. This appointment was long passed due. For anyone in the market for some fantastic pictures, please look up Jennifer Rutledge Photography. She is located in Brandon, MS. She is also on facebook, so you can look her up. I have to admit that she has gone above and beyond to help me in this crazy time of my life. She is part of a organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It is a organization that recruits local photographers to take pictures of babies in the NICU for free! Jennifer actually offered to do my maternity pictures for me as well. She was even going to fly to my house, so I didn't have to drive to her. What a sweetheart. Of course it rained, so all of her outside ideas were laid to rest and we shot in her studio. I'm still so happy with the opportunity to even get to do them. I normally do NOT like or have had any desire to do maternity pictures, but this is a different situation and I am grasping for any memory I can have of my little angel. If she proves all the dr's wrong and pulls through, then I have more than a memory. Jennifer is also coming to the hospital to take pics of AG and of the family as they have their first encounter with AG. As she says, "capturing the things that you will not be able to see because of your section". All I can say is there are angels on earth. My MIL and I went to babies-r-us to buy a present for someone (not me) and it was such a sad moment. As we walked into the store, my immediate attention went straight ahead to the preemie clothing section. First let down. I browsed the store only to end up in the "keepsakes department". Any other pregnancy, I would have passed it up, but I couldn't. I ended up buying keepsakes to capture her handprint and footprint. By the time I finished looking through all the momentos, I was sad. Once again, feeling defeated, we left. A song came on the radio that reminded me of my brother. I turned it up and explained the logic of comparison to my MIL. The song was my brother to a "T". Man I miss him. He's been gone for over a month, almost two and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. He is the background on my phone, so he is never far from my mind. Although at this time, I am trying not to think of him. He always said, "Ava is going to be our miracle baby". That makes me smile. Oddly enough, my mamaw pointed out that "the Lord never takes anything away without giving us something in return". Her logic was, "when your grandfather died, shortly after Cody (my nephew) was born. After your daddy died, Landon was born. Now, after Doyle died, Ava Grace will be born. She will be just fine. She is going to make a miracle out of doubt." I love this wise woman and I hold what she says near and dear to my heart. I pray that she is right. A friend of mine, Linnea, posted a saying on my wall that basically says that "we will never be the same once we pass this storm". This is a scary and hopeful saying. I am scared that I will be a much sadder person if Ava's birth doesn't go as I pray it will. It is hopeful because "maybe I will be a stronger person as well". Maybe I will not take any little thing my kids do for granted anymore. Maybe I will be grateful for the little and big things and life and the honest people the Lord puts in it. I already have a greater respect for my husband. His strength is my strength. He never reads my blogs, so this is not me being sweet. :) I honestly love this man and I think that the whole experience has made us different people, but closer. Maybe this is another reason we are enduring the anticipation and uncertainty. I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate my family. They are extremely supportive. My sis in law is my right hand and has volunteered to do all the things that I don't know if I will be able to. Thank You!!! I love all of you (even the ones who don't read this haha). Right now, I am sitting here in awe, watching my baby girl move in my belly. This is the first time I am actually seeing her move across my abdomen. It is so fantastic!!!! I hope I can catch this on video so I can share it. Shirt on, of course. My little girl is such a fighter. Maybe if I play the Rocky theme song, she will start boxing. I would love it! I promise to send you all your bracelets as soon as I get them. According to the tracking, I should receive them tomorrow. I will deliver them asap. I would love for everyone to wear them on Monday when she is born and say a little prayer for her. The Lord hears all of our prayers and maybe, just maybe he will get bombarded with the prayers for this little angel and give us a miracle! Thank you, everyone!!!!